Well, it's been a long time since I've even bothered messing around with my dA journal. Too preoccupied with ideas, plans, and all sorts of other "brain crack" that I've either tried to do and failed or have been holding on to thinking I shouldn't do it until I knew I could do it right.

Then all sorts of personal crap comes up in my life, and it all gets flushed away. It was enough to drive most people to the brink, I suppose. Yet for me, it always seems to be just like everything else. A disappointment, yes, but never a catastrophe. I wonder what it would take to drive me to that breaking point, to make me "go over the edge," as people say. Anyway, all those problems, life's little "disappointments", did show me some things . . . things I needed to learn. In the months following when things came to a resolution and calmed down, I spent my free time pondering over it all. Thinking about what I could've done differently to avoid some issues or made others turn out better, and what I should do to make sure that I never repeat the same needless mistakes.

At times, I wonder about myself, if there's something wrong with me. I can be so scatterbrained and my attention span is like a fly's, and yet at other times I can be so focused on something that I will forget even to take care of important things, like eating or sleeping. I can overly obsessive over certain things and not care the least about others. I try my best to keep an open mind about things, and yet . . . I know there are times when I fail, especially when I need to the most.

It's enough to make me question what kind of person I am. Who am I and what am I doing here? Why do I act the way I do? Where should I be going in life? And the most important one of all, when am I going to figure this out?